sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
