Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
