we made out on top of his cat.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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