Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
