Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Randomize
