I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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