Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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