My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I can't put those talents on a resume
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
