So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
