the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
