You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
