can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize