:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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