I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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