I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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