I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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