sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I think people are normalizing furries
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
