is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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