i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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