life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I could fuck to npr.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
