Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It's never too late to be topless.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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