Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Randomize
