And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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