Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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