Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
