It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
