So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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