He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
