she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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