umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize