Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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