yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
