is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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