In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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