she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
