I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
