Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
