party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
