based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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