He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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