I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
