I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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