dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
