I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
