Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Randomize
