hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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