Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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