I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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