ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
