Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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