sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
