Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
