how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
