We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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