oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
