Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
