thus making me awesome and them whores
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
