There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
