If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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