Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I AM VODKA MAN
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
