Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
