Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
