I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
