I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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