we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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