From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
