well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
