Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
