dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
