maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
