I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
