I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize