She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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