So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I forgot wine drunk hurts
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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