GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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