i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
