Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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