im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
