I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
