Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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