I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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