420 ftw
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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