it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
