my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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