I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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