She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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