So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
