I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
