One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
